An anatomy of the break up of a nondescript relationship………

Is there a way to end a relationship without one side getting more hurt than the other? What happens when one person tells the words the other one doesn’t want to hear like, “Let’s be just friends,”, “I want to move on”, “It’s not you, it’s me.”  Is it because all the while one person in the relationship has been under the illusion that he/she meant more to that person than he/she ever did, while for the other person it was one of those things you could dispense with when the need arose?

Which is why there are conversations that go like this:-

“Why do you want to continue with this?”

“Because I really like you.”

“That’s the problem. You are too emotional, too sensitive. It’s not possible to have a causal relationship with you.”

And then you are trying to figure out why having feelings for someone is made to sound criminal.

The other person is baffled by your reaction to the “breakup”

“Were you ever in love with me? Because I wasn’t.

“I don’t even know what love is? No, I don’t think so………” (Lost for words)

Love, lust, like…………can any word or words ever really describe human feelings. And can a particular word be applied only to   certain relationships and not to others. Why does the L word suddenly sound   more unacceptable than the F word?   Probably because the F word is less dangerous. Less intimidating. It’s a word devoid of feelings.  It’s a “one off ” word unlike the L word which is more lingering, the meaning of which can be interpreted in so many different ways. No such complications with the F word. There is also the safe L (Like) word which they   use to stay in safe territory. They deliberately avoid the first L word and use the second not knowing when the words would overlap and at least one person is not sure if he/she is “in love” or “in like” with the other person.

This is why you have conversations like this with your “shoulder-to-cry-on” friend:

Friend:  I think you are just trying to torment yourself trying to find a hidden meaning to his/her feelings towards you  because at the end it is what happened and nothing more and you  trying to analyze does not help with the moving on part

He/She: You are right .I should just drop it. Analyzing will only lead to more questions. Guess some feelings will remain unresolved forever

Friend: You can’t give a name to every feeling u have……….. Some, no word in the dictionary can describe………………

Then all the negativity kicks in.  You want to hurt the other person. You say things you would not usually say to anyone, you want to make the other person feel bad but end up hurting yourself more.

You ask the other person how he/she moved on so easily.  “Find new pleasures. Don’t dwell on it” is the answer.  That conversation, like many others disintegrates into a nasty argument. You want to be civil but the dormant nastiness in you awakens and then you soon regret it. And then you go to the other extreme. You ask for forgiveness, you ask for another chance, you say you can handle it without the emotional part getting in the way.  (If that’s ever possible). But there is no respite. Its final, kaput, can’t turn back the clock how much ever you wish for it so you can handle things differently, be more mature in your dealings.

You are dissecting every little piece of conversation you’ve had, text messages you’ve exchanged. , time spent together.  You read too much into every little thing. It’s taking a damn toll on your senses.

And then you are trying to get used to  being without those things you had got used to but which you should not have got used to, which should have been just an appendage  to your “other life”. But you didn’t allow it to be an appendage. You allowed it to overwhelm your life and occupy too large a segment in it, deliberately not thinking but knowing there is no other way for it to end.

The days turn into weeks, weeks into months and it dawns on you it’s nearing 12 months which is one year.  Nothing’s changed but everything’s changed. No calls, no messages, no chatting……………, so many things to miss.The perils of modern-day relationships. You wish there were less means  to make people contactable because then you  can deceive yourself   into believing that the other person   wants to contact you but has no means of doing it but now you know the silence means the other person does not want to have anything to do with you.  It’s pretty clear cut. You are trying to dwell less on the past but when someone hurts you it does not go away easily.

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Published by

Chandani

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