An unchanging home truth………….

Its 10.00 clock in the night, some would say  pretty early in the day to go out looking for a boy who will turn 20 next month. But yesterday night I did just that. I dragged my husband out of bed to go looking  for our son as there was no response to calls I made to his mobile phone several times nor  a reply to my  text messages.  The phone was switched on so I could not figure out why he was not answering it. I knew he was having a Halloween party at his college till 8.00p.m.but this was two hours later than the time he told me he would finish.20050803

Halfway into our drive  from home, he calls   and the first thing he asks me is, ”Amma, why are you calling everyone?  I had left my phone in the bag so could not answer.” I brush off his question with some vague answer and say I did not call everyone. ( Just two friends and the mother of a friend.)

The simple answer to the Why?  question should have been,   “Because I am a mother.”  Plain and simple. Just being a “Mother” is enough reason to overreact at the smallest hint of a perceived threat to their offspring. Most times these threats are imaginary and something the children would brush aside without blinking an eye. For me it an instinctive reaction. I can’t help it and I know it’s certainly NOT JUST ME. I am not aggressive by nature but when the “MOTHER” in me kicks in I am a Tigress. It’s funny how I completely change and become the over protective person trying to shield the children from all kinds of things. And I am not even close to being a very hands-on mother.  The Tiger Mom is not me, but it’s also very much me.

oil_12Later back in bed that night, I stay up thinking that it’s time to let go.  In December he will turn 20. He is legally an adult. He can operate his own bank account, he has got his own driving license,  he is  entitled to vote whenever the next election comes around  and  he is old enough to take  a wife if he so wishes. (At this point he made it known to me he has no intention of ever getting married and  I have in turn told him it’s a wise decision as I have no intention of taking care  of grandchildren in my retirement years. )

I get  annoyed at times  when my mother  still calls to check if I am getting late to come home, when  she asks if I have had my meals, when  she gets overly worried if I complain of being unwell. I am itching to tell her I am a grown up woman now, I can take care of myself but I don’t.  It’s true what they say. For a mother her children will always be her little ones. It’s one home truth that will not change.

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Revisiting old letters…………….

My sister who lives abroad told me recently that she had found an old letter I had sent her 15 years ago, just five days after I had my second son Rahel. I can’t remember how I found the time to sit down to write a letter in those busy days but   I had managed it somehow. I asked her to scan the letter and mail it to me after my sister read some extracts from it and it sounded interesting. Rahel turned 15 on October 26 and has grown up to be a not-too- troublesome boy. But he is not the angelic baby that he was when I wrote the letter.

I‘ll share some of the stuff I wrote in the letter because it made me feel really nice re-reading the stuff I had written. It also made feel nostalgic for the days when I actually wrote letters as opposed to the emails and text messages I send now.

B & R
B & R

Here’s some of what I had written in the letter dated 31.10.98.

At long last I have delivered the baby and he’s really gorgeous. He looks a lot like Bhanuka (my older son) did when he was born but much smaller and he has longer hands and feet. We brought him home yesterday afternoon and he hardly cries except when hungry. He sleeps most of the time. What a refreshing change when I think of what I went through with Bhanuka. Although I wanted to have a daughter, I always knew at the back of my mind I would have a boy and now that I have 2 boys I don’t mind it at all.”

Here’s what I had written about how the older one was reacting to the presence of a younger brother:-

Bhanuka has been acting a bit different since the brother came along. We are doing our best to pay more attention to him though it sometimes gets a bit difficult when there is an adorable infant around the house. He’s become more demanding and tries to get more attention. “

 As for what I was excepting the next year, this is what I wrote:-

“I guess I’ll be very occupied in the coming year with the baby and Bhanuka’s schooling. It’s bound to be hectic.”

And on the physical discomforts I was experiencing at the time:-

“I am still going through some pain since the (Caesarian) operation. It should be alright in 2 to 3 weeks. These days in SL, Caesarian are as common as normal child-birth.”

Rahel  -August 2013
Rahel -August 2013

Now that I have the letter with me, next is to let the boys read it and see how they react to it. Might give me some stuff for my next blog.

Do you have old letters that bring back memories and make you smile???